Estos días ha llegado a mis manos de nuevo el diario que escribí durante un año entero de mi vida, entre los 13 y los 14 años. En ese tiempo cambié de curso, hice nuevas amigas, salí con un chico por primera vez, viajé a Italia y Jordania... está lleno de nuevas experiencias.
Al leerlo se nota que soy muy joven, me preocupo por detalles y situaciones que una vez eres adulto sabes colocar en el lugar que les corresponde. Sufro demasiado por tonterías, por respuestas que me da la gente, por numerosas inseguridades. El diario de una perfecta adolescente. Sin embargo, hay fragmentos asombrosos. Reflexiones puras y llenas de ilusión. Aparece ante mis ojos una versión valiente de mi misma, un espíritu aventurero que disfruta al límite los momentos y los exprime sin compasión. He recordado situaciones que viví entonces, enterradas en mi memória. Y junto a ellas esa emoción: una absoluta confiaza en la vida, una ausencia de miedo a lo que me deparará el futuro.
Hay un momento en el que planteé la posibilidad de que dentro de unos años una versión adulta de mí misma leyera de nuevo el diario. Curiosamente, me pregunté si la chica que lo revisara comprendería todas las emociones escritas, o por el contrario le parecerían auténticas tonterías de la edad del pavo.
Ese día ha llegado y me alegra poder decir que la vida no me ha castigado demasiado: aun puedo verme a mi misma a través de esas palabras.
A continuación, rescato dos trocitos:
"Mi amiga me ha dicho una cosa que ha cambiado mi punto de vista: dice que disfrute el día a día en vez de pensar en el futuro, porque si no el tiempo pasará sin darnos cuenta. Intentaré hacer eso en mi vida diaria. Tengo todo en la vida: amor, dinero, salud, família, buenos estudios... ¡hay que dar gracias por todo! y la mayoría de veces no me doy ni cuenta de lo afortunada que soy. Por eso, gracias a todos los seres y las circunstancias que me han dado una vida tan fructífera. ¿Qué me falta para ser feliz?: disfrutar de lo que tengo"
"Me siento un poco confusa porque no sé qué sentir, me pasan muchas cosas a la vez y al final tengo que dejar que fluyan, porque no puedo almacenar tantas emociones. A veces incluso las tengo todas de golpe, unas totalmente diferentes a las otras. Pero supongo que eso es crecer como persona y descubrir lo que es la vida. Y esa aventura no me la pierdo"
Y mi favorita (una despedida hecha a unos lectores hipotéticos):
"PD: ¿Qué sentís cuando la noche se cierne sobre vosotros?"
From here |
A couple days ago I founf a diary I wrote during a now distant year of my life, when I was 13 and 14 years old.
Back then it was a time of changes. I just had made new friends, had my first boyfriend, I traveled to Italy and Jordany ...
it was all full of new experiences.
The writing was very naive, one can see immediately how young I was. I made a big deal out of insignificant things, those things
you don't pay attention anymore when you grow up. I suffered so much for such little details, for things people said to me, for so many insecurities.
However, there are amazing parts of the writing. Pure reflections...full of hope. It seems to me now, it was a bold version of
myself, with an adventurous spirit who enjoyed the moment and squeezing them to the limit. I remember situations I
lived then, which were buried in my memory. And next to them is still those emotions I felt back then: an absolute conviction about life, and a lack of
fear for what the future held for me.
There is a moment in which I raised the possibility that in a few years an adult version of myself could read back
what I was writing. Interestingly, I wondered if I would understand all these in the future, or see all that has nonsense
typical of such a strange age. The day I read the diary has come and I'm happy to say that life hasn't punished much:
I still feel identified with these words.
I rescued these two pieces:
"A friend told me something that changed my mind: she says I should just enjoy everyday instead of thinking about the future,
because otherwise time will pass without notice. I'll Try to do that in my daily life. I have everything in life: love,
money, health, family, good education ... we must thank everything! Most of the times I do not even realize how lucky
I am. So thanks to all beings and the circumstances that have given me such a fruitful life. What do I need to be happy?: enjoy what I have"
"I am a little confused because I do not know what to feel, there are many things happening at the same time. In the end I have to let it flow,
because I can not store so many emotions. Sometimes all these emotions come at once, they are totally different from each other. I guess
to grow as a person I have to understand them. I don't want to waste this adventure"
And my favorite (for an hypothetical reader):
"PD: What do you feel when the night is upon you?"
it was all full of new experiences.
The writing was very naive, one can see immediately how young I was. I made a big deal out of insignificant things, those things
you don't pay attention anymore when you grow up. I suffered so much for such little details, for things people said to me, for so many insecurities.
However, there are amazing parts of the writing. Pure reflections...full of hope. It seems to me now, it was a bold version of
myself, with an adventurous spirit who enjoyed the moment and squeezing them to the limit. I remember situations I
lived then, which were buried in my memory. And next to them is still those emotions I felt back then: an absolute conviction about life, and a lack of
fear for what the future held for me.
There is a moment in which I raised the possibility that in a few years an adult version of myself could read back
what I was writing. Interestingly, I wondered if I would understand all these in the future, or see all that has nonsense
typical of such a strange age. The day I read the diary has come and I'm happy to say that life hasn't punished much:
I still feel identified with these words.
I rescued these two pieces:
"A friend told me something that changed my mind: she says I should just enjoy everyday instead of thinking about the future,
because otherwise time will pass without notice. I'll Try to do that in my daily life. I have everything in life: love,
money, health, family, good education ... we must thank everything! Most of the times I do not even realize how lucky
I am. So thanks to all beings and the circumstances that have given me such a fruitful life. What do I need to be happy?: enjoy what I have"
"I am a little confused because I do not know what to feel, there are many things happening at the same time. In the end I have to let it flow,
because I can not store so many emotions. Sometimes all these emotions come at once, they are totally different from each other. I guess
to grow as a person I have to understand them. I don't want to waste this adventure"
And my favorite (for an hypothetical reader):
"PD: What do you feel when the night is upon you?"